1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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