People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
