guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
