girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
