it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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