youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You left your phone here
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