Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pants are for mortals
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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