I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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