You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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