I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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