i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
