Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Every concussion has its silver lining
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
