Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
