i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
