you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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