I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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