hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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