so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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