I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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