Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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