There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
