i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
