Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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