Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
