Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
