I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
