mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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