There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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