3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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