My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
