im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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