when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
