Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
