holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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