My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
At least life still wants to fuck me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
