You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
