I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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