Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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