Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
