saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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