He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
