That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
my poor anus
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
