we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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