My pussy is not your playground.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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