So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
