She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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