She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
