...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
