if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
