You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
