I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
