Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
