I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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