Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize