? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
