I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
