Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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