Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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