My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
