So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
