i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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