god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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