his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize