dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
