North Korea, Best Korea!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
