I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
