alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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