Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
