can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
worst night to have a conscience
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
