Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This baby is an asshole
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
